Bitterness In The Sympathy
by tjmack
Summary: It was like the world stopped spinning. Life ceased, for that moment. She ran with everything in her, but she knew she was much too late.


_**A/N:** _This one just sort of got away from me. It was supposed to be just a short little piece, around 1,000 words, but I just couldn't stop writing. I hope you all enjoy!

* * *

Forgiveness was a hard thing to come by. It was something that Annie never thought she would ever have to seek. Especially not from Auggie. They knew each other well enough to know that anything and everything that the other might do was for the best. Whether it was what was best for the country, for the job, or for each other. This time though, Annie knew that Auggie wouldn't see it that way. Not when he had tried, on more than on occasion, to talk her out of pursuing Henry Wilcox.

Though she had technically been back for a little over a week, she still didn't know how Joan had pulled off her tiny little miracle, Auggie had yet to talk to her. The awkward looks that they shared were starting to get noticed, even Joan had brought it up. She was definitely over feeling like she had lost her best friend, and the man she was in love with.

So, she made a mistake. She went after Henry, and she lost – big time. It happens. Everyone makes mistakes. Granted, not everyone fakes their death to avoid jail time, but Annie was thinking outside the box on that one. As she saw it though, Auggie didn't have a reason to still be angry. It wasn't like she didn't tell him about her plan. It isn't like she just let him believe she was really and truly dead. She had explained everything to him, and pleaded with him to explain it to Joan and Arthur. It was the best case scenario plan that she had, and she had given him a chance to come up with something better. The only thing he had, was for her to wait it out. To wait for him and Joan to find proof that Henry was really the filthy, dirty, scumbag that the four of them knew him to be. Annie not only couldn't do that, she wouldn't. She couldn't just sit there and wait for someone to save her. Like she was waiting for a prince on a white horse to pull her from her metaphorical tower.

"You're going to have to talk to me, ya' know." Annie finally spoke, as they stepped off the plane together. She felt the familiar sparks as Auggie grabbed hold of Annie's upper arm for guidance.

"I don't have anything to say." Auggie answered, his voice calm but sharp. It bit into Annie like a shard of glass. He sounded almost – emotionless.

Annie sighed softly as she led them from the airport terminal and toward the baggage claim area. It was her first mission since she had been reinstated. Though, it took some pull from Joan, she was partnered back up with Auggie. It was a simple mission. Pretty much just search and rescue, without the searching part. They knew where their target was, an informant that was caught giving them Intel, and all they had to figure out was how to get him out.

"Auggie, please." Annie begged, as she pulled her bag from the moving carousel, before grabbing a hold of Auggie's and swinging it down toward him.

He sighed softly, never really having the ability to deny Annie when she begged like that. "Fine. When we get to the hotel, we can talk for a minute."

Annie nodded softly, before rolling her eyes at herself, realizing that Auggie couldn't see her nod. "Thank you."

With a curt nod from Auggie, she waited until he grabbed a hold of her arm before leading them from the airport.

* * *

Annie crouched down with one arm dragged out behind her. She kept a tight hold on Auggie's hand, as she attempted to navigate them through the warehouse. Nothing was going right, but Annie didn't fail – well except for the tiny Henry hiccup, but she didn't really count that one. She was going to recover their informant, alive, and she was going to get all three of them back to the states.

"Annie, the mission, it's a bust. Joan already told us to go back!" Auggie hissed in her ear.

Annie stopped her forward motion, causing Auggie to smack against her back hard. She tumbled forward, but tucked her gun against her stomach so that the steel didn't hit the concrete floor. "No!" She finally hissed back. "Garrett's life is in danger because of us. Because of the CIA. I will not leave him to die, Auggie. You know that about me. Now, come on."

Auggie yanked his hand out of Annie's and stared in her direction. "You go. Grab Garrett. I'll stay here. I'm only slowing you down. Come back for me once you've got Garrett in tow."

Annie shook her head, knowing that he couldn't see her. "I won't leave you behind, Auggie. You might not be able to forgive me right now, and I get that, I do, but I won't leave you alone to fend for yourself. The thought of you getting hurt because I left you behind, it's too painful, Auggie. Please." She pleaded with him.

"Go on, Walker. Do your job. I'll be fine on my own, I promise."

Annie just stared at Auggie for a moment, contemplating his words. She knew that every minute wasted was another minute that Garrett was being tortured, that he might leak information that could possibly endanger other agent's lives. Taking a deep breath, Annie leaned forward, "Forgive me." She whispered against his ear, before pressing her lips against his. "I'll come back for you, I swear." She added, after she pulled away.

As she started to walk away from Auggie, an unsettling feeling landed in the pit of her stomach. It felt much like a leaden rock that couldn't be moved. The further away from Auggie she got, the worse the feeling grew. She was merely feet away from the room that they were holding Garrett in. She checked her left and right, before making a move for the door. One step into the opening, and the silence that filled the air was broken. In one instance, her life came crashing down. The ear-splitting sound of the twin gunshots soared through the silent air and sent a chill down her spine.

Garrett was all but forgotten in that moment. The only thing on her mind was Auggie. It was like the world stopped spinning, and life ceased to exist. She took off running, and ran with everything she had. Her feet smacked the concrete with increased force. She knew that she was too late. He wouldn't have seen it coming. The gunman would have had a perfect shot. Images filled her mind as she ran. It felt like years that it took her to make it back to the crate that she had left Auggie at. As it came into view, Annie slid to her knees, a sob broke out through her mouth, as tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"Thank God," she whispered as she crawled over toward Auggie.

He wasn't unscathed. In fact, he was barely conscious at the moment, but none of that mattered, because he was alive. She noticed that the wound on the lower right-hand side of his chest was gushing blood at an almost alarming rate.

"Don't you dare!" Annie yelled, as she pulled Auggie down against the concrete. She yanked off her suit jacket, thankful that she had worn extra layers, and pressed it against the wound tightly.

Auggie groaned as his eyes squinted open. "Annie." His voice was low and raspy. "What – about – Garrett?" He forced the words out.

"This – you are more important, Auggie."

"The mission."

Annie shook her head, as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Screw the mission."

Auggie chuckled lightly, before coughing. "That's not the Annie Walker that I know and love." Annie froze for a moment at his words. She didn't know what to say. It could have just been the situation, or maybe he had finally found it in himself to forgive her. "Listen to me, Walker. Go save Garrett. I'll keep the pressure."

Annie just stared down at Auggie's blank expression. She didn't know what to do. Annie was terrified to leave Auggie alone again, but he was right. If Garrett gave up the information that he knew, agent's lives would be in danger. She couldn't take the thought of knowing that those agent's could die because she couldn't leave Auggie's side. "Alright, but I'm calling for an extraction team. We need to get you to a hospital."

"Okay." Auggie answered, as his hands crept over toward the wound in his chest. He let Annie place his hands correctly over the wound, before pressing down. He hissed at the pain it caused, but kept the pressure in place. "Maybe, just be quick about it." He joked.

"I will. I swear." She stood up, and looked over at the man that had shot Auggie. A bullet in the side of his neck had killed him almost instantly. "How did you do it?" She asked softly.

"Boots. Dead giveaway."

Annie just shook her head. "Keep the pressure, Auggie." She spoke, before turning away.

* * *

Waiting rooms sucked, it was a known fact. Though, if Annie was being fair, she now knew how Auggie had felt when she had been shot. The pain he must have felt thinking that she wouldn't pull through. It made her heart ache even worse, which brought her back to their hotel room conversation. It didn't seem to have been almost a day ago, yet it was.

"_Look, I just said that so that you would drop it, Annie. We have a job to do. Let's get that done, then we can have all the conversations that you want." _

_Annie stood her ground. With her arms crossed over her chest and her hip cocked slightly to the left, Annie cleared her throat, knowing that would gain Auggie's attention. "No, we won't. You have been avoiding me since I got back. You haven't even hardly looked me in the eye. The only reason that you're talking to me now is because you have to. So, we're going to have this conversation now. There is no waiting – there is no tomorrow." _

_Auggie sighed, before pinching the bridge of his nose. He could feel a migraine forming at the edges of his temples, and he knew that Annie wasn't going to give up until she got what she wanted. "Okay, fine. Let's talk, Annie. How about we talk about the fact that I begged you not to go through with it. Any of it! I asked you to stay out of it. I knew that it wouldn't end well for any of us, but you just had to do it anyway. Annie Walker always gets what Annie Walker wants!" _

_Annie took a tentative step back. Auggie had never been so _furious_ with her before. He had never raised his voice, not like this. After a moment, his words settled in, and she knew that he was right. How many times had Joan or Auggie tried to end her missions, tried to tell her not to do something, and she did it anyway. Granted, most of the time it ended well. She almost always got the ending that she had been seeking, even if it was hard to gain. This time though, all she had done was drag her co-workers – her friends, through the mud. Nearly had their jobs taken away from them, because she had to go after Henry Wilcox. As much as it killed her to admit it, Auggie was right. She was a selfish person. _

"_You're right." She mumbled, her voice cracking over the words. _

_Auggie sighed, before taking a step forward. "I didn't mean that the way it came out, Annie. Honestly, the CIA needs more agents like you. More people willing to do anything for the greater good. Willing to risk careers – their lives, to ensure that the people of America are as safe as they can be. You are amazing at your job, Annie. You are. Don't doubt that. It's just – I don't know if I can forgive you for what you did. It was too familiar. Too painful. Even though I knew you were alive the entire time, Annie, it still hurt. In fact, I think that it would have been less painful if you were actually dead. At least then I would have been able to grieve and move on. Knowing that you were alive – that you were out there doing God only knows what to take down Henry, was far worse. It killed me to know that you were on your own, and that I couldn't help you. All I ever wanted to do, Annie, was help you." _

_Annie sighed, sniffling back the tears that lay in a puddle at the edge of her eyelids. She wouldn't let them fall, not now. Not when she didn't deserve to cry. "Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me? Do you think we'll ever be friends again?" Even as she spoke the words, Annie knew that she wanted so much more from Auggie than his friendship. _

"_I honestly don't know, Annie. I hope so, but I don't know." _

She sighed, as she felt a comforting hand land on her shoulder. Annie had almost forgotten that Joan was there. She hadn't wanted to contact Joan, if only because she was worried about her pregnancy. All the stress had taken it's toll, and Joan was really feeling it. She had been hospitalized three times for early contractions, and Annie knew that telling Joan that Auggie was severely injured wasn't going to help her stress at all.

"He's a fighter, Annie. He'll pull through."

Annie nodded, even though it felt like a robotic movement. "Joan, I think that maybe, it might be best if you switch me to a different department." Annie turned toward Joan, to gauge her response.

After a moment of thought, Joan shook her head. "I'm sorry, Annie, but moving you around has never ended well." The image of Annie near death still lingered in her mind. She hadn't wanted Annie to go to Lena's department, she had tried to talk Arthur out of doing it, but it didn't work – it didn't matter.

"I understand that, Joan. I do. It's just – Auggie, I don't think he trusts me."

Joan's eyebrows shot up at that. "Oh, Annie, you couldn't be more wrong. Auggie might be upset with you, he might be angry, but he trusts you with his life. If he didn't, he never would have asked to go on this mission with you."

That pulled Annie up short. She had just assumed that Joan had forced Auggie to go on the mission with her. To watch her, and make sure she didn't screw up again. He had wanted to go? "What do you mean?"

"It was a simple mission – in CIA standards that is. A grab and go. I was set to send you on our own. You don't need a baby sitter, Annie. The way I see it – the way Calder sees it now. What you did was right. You were trying to take down a man that knew a lot of people on the inside. That's hard, even for someone that is seasoned in this job. Though you're not exactly a rookie, your not exactly a pro either. You make mistakes, we all do, but going after Henry, that wasn't a mistake – not by a long shot. You saved a lot of lives. Don't ever doubt that. Auggie asked me, if he could join you on the mission. I don't like allowing Auggie into the field, because of the fact that he can't defend himself properly. In hand-to-hand combat he can hold his own, but when weapons are involved..."

Annie just stared at the wall, as she tried to absorb everything that Joan had just said. Did Auggie feel the same? If he did, then why did he blow up at her?

"August Anderson?" A doctor called out suddenly.

Both women stood up, clutching at each others hand for support.

"He's stable, and he's awake. He's asking for an Annie Walker?"

Annie stared at Joan who waved her on. The doctor pointed down the hall where a nurse was waiting, before turning back to Joan.

* * *

It was a long, slow, agonizing walk down the hallway toward Auggie's room. Annie felt like her feet were weighted down by iron. Each step drained that much more energy from her body. The adrenaline from the mission was starting to wear off, and Annie felt like she could just fall over at any moment. As she agonized over that, her mind realized quickly that she had found his room. The door lay open, just a crack. Peering inside, she could see Auggie. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw all the different machines hooked him. She couldn't help but think it was her fault. She had left him behind, when she knew that she never should have.

Softly, Annie pushed the door open and walked inside. It appeared that Auggie had fallen asleep, but that was alright with Annie. Just knowing he was alive was enough for now. She would sit there, in the chair by his bed, until he woke up. She would keep vigil over him tonight, like she should have last night. Annie made a vow to keep Auggie safe, by any means necessary.

"It's not your fault." His voice was soft, weak, but she heard it clear as day. He always seemed to know what she was thinking.

"Yes, it is. I never should have left you." Annie whispered back, as she collapsed into the chair.

"I didn't leave you much of a choice, Annie. We didn't have a choice. The mission was simple, grab Garrett and go." He sighed, as he turned unseeing eyes onto Annie. "I never should have made Joan let me accompany you on the mission. It's my fault. So don't blame yourself."

Annie bit her lip to keep the tears at bay. She leaned forward, propping her elbows on the edge of the hospital bed. She let her head fall against her forearms, and fought against the tears. "I'm so sorry, Auggie." She whispered, fearful that he would hear the crack in her voice.

Auggie slowly raised his arm, and gripped one of Annie's hands. "I know you are, and believe me – I've had time to process everything. I've been in this room for nearly an hour. I didn't have a right to yell at you. To make you feel like you did something wrong. You saved a lot of lives getting Henry Wilcox off the streets."

Annie couldn't stop the words, they came flowing out like a volcano. "That might be, Auggie, but it doesn't change the fact that I lost the one person that means the most to me in this world. I don't know if you'll ever forgive me for what I did, and it tears me apart, Auggie. I love you so much that it hurts. Every single day that I was away from you was like another shard of glass in my heart. I think I could have lived with Henry getting away if it meant that I still had you in my life." As she spoke, Auggie's hand gripped Annie's harder. "I will do whatever I have to do to prove to you that I am worthy of having you in my life."

Auggie's hand moved from Annie's and landed on her cheek. His thumb caressed away a stray, fallen tear, before he spoke. "You don't have to prove anything, Annie. I couldn't have stopped loving you if I tried."

At his words, the dam that Annie held so tightly in place, broke away. The tears cascaded down her cheeks slowly, as she leaned forward and sobbed. It was something that she hadn't allowed herself to do the entire time she was away. She had only allowed herself a couple of tears when he was shot, because she didn't feel worthy of the anguish she felt. Now, though, she finally felt that she had earned the right to cry. She had earned the right to be loved.


End file.
